food Dad Jokes

90 hand-curated food dad jokes

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
My wife left me because I am insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
Why did the security conscious engineer refuse to pay their dinner bill? Because they could not verify the checksum.
What did the skillet eat on its birthday? Pan-cakes.
What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight
If you see a burglary at an Apple store You become an iWitness
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them
How do you know when a chicken is evil? It lays deviled eggs
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast
The wedding was so beautiful Even the cake was in tiers
What did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? It's a dog eat dog world out there
Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop? She always spilled the tea
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
There are only two things I don't eat for breakfast: Lunch and dinner.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
What do cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
Try the seafood diet— you see food, then you eat it.
What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
I asked dad if he could make me a burger. He replied by saying, "Wallah! You're a burger!"
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers!
What does the dad diet consist of? All of the foods his kids can't finish.
Why did the man get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
What did the llama say to his date? "Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch."
What kind of food should you pack when going to the beach? A sandwich.
My son just threw a milk carton at me. How dairy?
Why did the banana go to to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
What's the best day to eat bacon? Fryday.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers.
Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
Once I ate a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.
What kind of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated.
Why can't you tell a taco a secret? They tend to spill the beans!
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It's pasteurized before you can even see it.
How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Did you hear about the chef who died? He pasta-way.
What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
Why did the birds attack the dog? He was pure bread.
What does a gossiping coffee do? Spill the beans.
What did the computer do for his lunch break Had a byte.
Why did the coffee machine file a complaint? It couldn’t espresso itself properly!
What do you call a chicken with salad in his eyes? Chicken Cesar Salad 🐓 🥗
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!" 🥛
When does a sandwich cook? When it’s bakin’ lettuce and tomato! 🥓🥬🍅
I have a joke about pizza... but it's too cheesy 🍕🧀
Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep? It was pasta bedtime 🍝💤
What do you call cheese that's not yours. Nacho cheese 🧀🧀
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.
What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why do bananas never get lonely? Because they hang out in bunches.
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a............ pint of beer please." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear replies, "Well, I've always had 'em!"
Want to hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, it's too cheesy!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi!
Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for his Easter Break. When he returns to California his friend says to him, "Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it? To which Arnie replied [in Arnie voice]: "Oh it was terrible! My father, he ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite generally we all had an awful day." His colleague then says, "Oh Arnie that's no good at all, I'm sorry to hear! Does that mean you don't love easter anymore?" Arnie [Very important to read in Arnie voice]: "Oh no of course not - I still love Easter, baby."
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
An Italian businessman goes to Indonesia for a business trip. He hates Indonesian food, so he asked the concierge in his hotel, "Is there any restaurant where I can find Italian food here?" The concierge says, "You're lucky sir, a new pizza restaurant just opened and they deliver." The businessman asks for the restaurant's number, goes back to his room, and orders the pizza. 30 minutes later, the delivery person shows up with the pizza. He takes the pizza and eats it. Suddenly he's sneezing uncontrollably and shouting to the delivery person, "What did you put on this pizza?!" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put exactly what you ordered on the phone, sir. It's pepper only"
If Bert Newton was a butcher...how would he introduce his wife? Meat Patty!
A designer walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type in here. A product manager walks into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, no drinks, but we'll consider adding them later." A drunk Elm programmer walks into the bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve dysfunctional programmers." Finally, a QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2.5 million beers, a dog, and leaves without paying.
I‘ve spent the last five months traveling so, rather than tell a joke I thought I’d tell a story about one of the people I met. So I’m in Cambodia, chilling at the beach and meeting people, as you do, chatting away and drinking. One of the guys I meet is Jurgen. He’s as wide as he is tall and he has this fantastic big belly that sticks out like a barrel. But that’s not what stands out about Jurgen. No, what stands out, is the enormous tattoo that he has written across his torso, over his belly. Five letters. One word. PIZZA. So as we’re drinking away and getting to know each other, my mind keeps wandering back to the tattoo. What’s the significance of it...What does it mean? Does it represent his social commentary on the state of the world? Is it a pet name? And the longer we sit there drinking, the more determined I am to work it out. So eventually, after a lot of beers, I pipe up the question. "Hey, Jurgen" “Yes, Dan" "Can I ask a question?" “Of course you can Dan" “What does the Pizza tattoo mean... Is it a childhood nickname? Does it have some kind of symbolic or deeper meaning?” And Jurgen puts down his beer and looks and me and just says, “No, I just love Pizza.