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My wife left me because I am insecure.
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
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More dad jokes you'll groan at
If you see a burglary at an Apple store
You become an iWitness
What do you call a chicken with salad in his eyes?
Chicken Cesar Salad 🐓 🥗
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
What did the banana say to the boy?
Nothing, bananas can't talk!
There are only two things I don't eat for breakfast:
Lunch and dinner.