1000+ Dad Humor Jokes - The Biggest Collection of Dad Jokes. | Product Hunt

Dad Humor Jokes

Did you hear about my collection of 1000+ dad jokes? I'd tell you more, but they're out of this world!

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Joke of the Day

What is it called when someone steals your coffee?

A mugging.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey!' The horse replies, 'You just read my mind!'
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight, and 2021.
I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
My daughter’s boyfriend introduced himself to me, saying, 'Hi sir, I'm David, nice to meet you.' He put out his hand, and I asked, 'David, are you nervous?' He said no. So I grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes, and said, 'Then why are you shaking?'
A girl came into my bookstore and asked, 'What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?' Slim to Nun.
My wife just completed a 40-week body-building program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12oz.
Today, my son asked, 'Can I have a bookmark?' I burst into tears. Eleven years old, and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille. I can just feel something bad is going to happen.
Why does ten plus ten equal eleven plus eleven? Because ten plus ten equals twenty, and eleven plus eleven equals twenty too.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
I tried to catch some fog yesterday. Mist.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
I asked a German girl for her number. She said 'Nein'. I'm still waiting for the rest of her number.
I accidentally changed the car GPS voice to 'Male'. Now it says, 'It's around here somewhere. Keep driving.'
Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.
I asked the waitress, 'Can I ask you a question about the menu please?' She slapped me and said, 'The men I please are of no concern to you!'
Two hats are on a hat rack. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here. I’m gonna go on a head.'
My wife and I took a 1000-mile road trip to see our family. My uncle asked if we took turns driving on the way up. I replied, 'Yeah. It was too hard to get here in a straight line.'
'Any last words?' asks the firing squad. I answer, 'I hope you boys miss me.'
I was gutted when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine. She then said, 'You need to pay more attention at school pick up.'
My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian. I’m not good with numbers, but that sounds like a lot to me.
Sheepdog says to farmer: 'I got all 50 sheep in the pen!' Farmer says, 'But I only have 46 sheep.' Sheepdog: 'I know, I rounded them up.'
My wife left me because I am insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
I asked my 9-year-old son what he learned in school today. He said, 'Apparently not enough, because I have to go back tomorrow.'
I met a girl who said she wouldn’t date me because I used a dumb phone. So I texted her back 22266666655506665502299
My niece calls me 'ankle'. I call her 'my knees.'
I accidentally handed my girlfriend the glue stick instead of the chapstick. She still isn’t speaking to me.
A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. A year later, he tells his father he converted to Christianity. The father calls his friend and learns his son also converted. Both call the rabbi, who says his son also converted! They call God, who replies, 'You won’t believe this...'
My wife said she’s divorcing me for being too un-American. I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
My daughter made me proud today. She used a strongly scented soap, and my wife complained. My daughter replied, 'You need to stop being so scentsitive.'
I've just deleted all the German names from my cellphone. It's now Hans-free.
If the King sleeps on a king mattress, and the Queen sleeps on a queen mattress, where does the Prince sleep? On an heir mattress.
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early? Because dawn is tough on Greece.
What's the difference between Yogurt and America? If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it'll develop a culture.
What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.
Me to my daughter: I know everything. Daughter: Oh yeah, prove it! Me: I will later. *Later* Daughter: Dad can I have *friend's name* over? Me: No. Daughter: Why not? Me: Because I KNOW everything. If looks could kill, I'd be a ghost.
I was told to describe myself in one word in a job interview... I said, 'bad at following simple instructions.'
The doctor told me my prostate was good. I was deeply touched.
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit says, 'I think I might be a type O.'
Why was Cinderella so bad at basketball? Because she kept running away from the ball.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What can you do if you cannot push your git changes? Use the `--force`, Luke
Which body part does a programmer know best? ARM

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