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How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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More dad jokes you'll groan at
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you can even see it.
It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was
in tiers.
What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator?
Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
Why did the birds attack the dog?
He was pure bread.