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What does the dad diet consist of?
All of the foods his kids can't finish.
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What kind of coffee does a vampire drink?
De-coffin-ated.
What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
I asked dad if he could make me a burger. He replied by saying,
"Wallah! You're a burger!"
My wife left me because I am insecure.
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.