Me to my daughter: I know everything.

Daughter: Oh yeah, prove it! Me: I will later. *Later* Daughter: Dad can I have *friend's name* over? Me: No. Daughter: Why not? Me: Because I KNOW everything. If looks could kill, I'd be a ghost.

More dad jokes you'll groan at

Why is the accountant also good at being a parent? Having kids is taxing!A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. A year later, he tells his father he converted to Christianity. The father calls his friend and learns his son also converted. Both call the rabbi, who says his son also converted! They call God, who replies, 'You won’t believe this...'My wife and I took a 1000-mile road trip to see our family. My uncle asked if we took turns driving on the way up. I replied, 'Yeah. It was too hard to get here in a straight line.'Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one!What's a karate kids favourite drink? Waataaaaaaa!My wife asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall' to her I said, 'Maybe...'