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Why couldn't the tree get on his computer?
Because he could not log on.
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More dad jokes you'll groan at
How do ghosts stay in shape?
They exorcise.
Assistant: So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that it all fits?
The person who invented public bathroom stalls: Can't stress how unimportant that part is
Did you hear about the 12-inch dog?
It was a foot long.
How can you tell it's a dogwood tree?
By the bark
Where do pirates buy hooks?
The second-hand store.
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.