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How can you mend a broken pumpkin?
Use a pumpkin patch
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More dad jokes you'll groan at
What's the best way to make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator.
Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, "Let's go get a drink, there's this new place that does THE best punch you'll ever drink."
So they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender "Bartender, two glasses of your best punch please." The bartender replies in a stern voice, "If you want some punch you're gonna have to get in line like everybody else." The friends turn and look around but there's no punch line…
Why shouldn’t you use a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless.
What's Forrest Gump's email password?
1forest1.
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
Puts on another coat.