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Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
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More dad jokes you'll groan at
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
What did the hamburger name its baby?
Patty.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.
Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed.
Assistant: So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that it all fits?
The person who invented public bathroom stalls: Can't stress how unimportant that part is
What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years?
The letter M.